Archive for September, 2011

On being “alonely” and moving on.

8 years and 5 months.. That’s how long I am alone. When I say alone, I meant not being in a relationship. Not that I’m already complaining but I just feel bad. I feel that I will never be as happy again as I was back then. Maybe because I kept on reminiscing about my one true love that I was never able to move on from her again. I may be happy and all laughs when I’m out, talking with my friends but when I’m alone, I think of her. I miss the times we shared together. I miss everything about her. Heck, at times, I really wish I’m beside her. Wherever she is right now, I know she’s happy.

I don’t know why I bothered writing how I feel right now. You see, back then, when I’m like this, I used to call up some of my friends who really knows me and knows EVERYTHING. Pero syempre, hindi naman forever na ganun. I eventually stopped calling them. Nowadays, when I’m all depressed and everything, I lock myself up in my room, watch TV and roll on the bed then cry myself to sleep and when I wake up, BAM. Parang walang nangyari. But I’ve got to admit, that helped. I was able to stand on my own and learned that hindi forever na makikinig saken ang mga friends ko. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.

Now, I am happy even though I’m alone. I lost a part of me. I lost the girl I loved so much, but I learned to love myself even more. Ganun ata talaga, they said that “When a door closes, a window opens.”. Back then, I don’t know what that means. Going through the pain of losing her then jumping right back up made me realize that I was so stupid, moping around for years without looking at the other side, ignoring the other things that really cared for me. I learned how to stand up on my own, beat myself up just to get me on the right track again.

So where am I going to with this post? Beats me. I will never be able to explain this clearly. I just spurt nonsense when I’m like this so to whoever is reading this, I’m sorry. Teehee!